Quotes: You say it, I'll take it out of context.

Of Professionalism

"Mr. Tonthat. We've been expecting you."
"Mister... I like the sound of that."

"I didn't expect to see you here."
"No one ever does."

"It's a shame that it gets so hard to differentiate between Press and personal blog."

"There's been a slight reorganization."

"I work alone. Fewer idiots micromanaging me."

"I have this lady to thank after she introduced me to Masquerade and hotel stays. I never looked back since."

"It's amazing how far we've gone."

"I hope to see you at other cons this year."

"A critic will see a piece of art, realize it's bad, and then tell you about it. An artist will see a piece of art, realize it's bad, and then figure out how to fix it."
"Well, thank God I'm a critic."

"For every 100 cosplayers you photograph, a Guest of Honor has sex with you."

"I want your badge."

"Morning Musume was surprised when they found out I spoke Japanese."

"AX is starting half an hour late. That's about right for AX standards."

"Hanging around some groups is like leading a marching band full of undisciplined cats. But you guys are pretty cool."

"I would haul this stuff looking for the rightful owner, but I have a convention to cover. I hereby leave it in your hands."

"I never cover a convention drunk. Except that one time. And that other time. And that other time. And that other time. And how could I forget SiliCon?"

"We were supposed to cover Michael Jackson's memorial, but some costume convention was taking place at the same time. So they rescheduled the memorial to Tuesday and we're stuck here."

Of Transformers

"What's crackin', bitches?"
"We're at a family con. You can't say that word."
"What's crackin'... cool people?"

"Alas, poor Jazz, I knew him well. We used to go bowling at Cybertron."

"Lionel is in his trance."

"You see this Sector 7 badge? This is my 'do anything to anything' badge."
"Yes, I see it."
"How can you? I haven't even made that prop yet. This is my AX badge."

"If you aren't shooting, you are moving!"

"Sector 7. Your camera is reading as an alien life form and I have to confiscate it. You wouldn't happen to have any PSPs, laptops, or televisions I can confiscate also?"

"Megan Fox hits harder than you."

"My voice isn't deep enough to be Jazz."

"Jazz is a girl?"

"I wanna be Jetfire."

"He killed the cat! This is not proper conflict resolution. When a cat bites you, you tap its head. You do not rip it in half!"

Of Anime Expo

"AX higher ups were great, but the power tripping ones at the bottom fucked things up."

"Great guests; now if only I could see them at their panels."

"This isn't like the AX of earlier years."

"I thought I would get good seats as implied by the 'A' Section, but 'A' Section is WAY off to the side where I can't see a thing."

"And now... Shin... Musha... Gundam!"
(Whisper Whisper)
"STALL!"

"You would think AX Masquerade would be the pinnacle of cosplay sketches."

"AX has rules for attendees. Five percent of AX attendees have special circumstances where the rules don't apply to them. But AX must apply those rules to everybody regardless of circumstance because the remaining 95% think they belong in that five percent."

"$40, $60, $100 for this BlazBlue... any more bids?"
"What region is the game?"
"It's the... Japanese version. Any more bids?"
(Dead silence)

"Anime Expo boasts plenty of new features. All it needs now is a 'Make the convention better' button. We could put it next to the 'Erase the con drama button.'"

"I think Anime Expo should set off the fire sprinklers at least once a day. This will probably be the only shower some attendees get each day."

Of Dancing and Balls

"I taught him what he knows, but not what I know."

"A proper dance proctor plucks wallflowers and engages them in a dance. He does not single out the ones in the pretty dresses because of some fetish."

"The costume contest during the ball is great, but I came here for DANCING."

"A real dancer can demonstrate a dance move without a partner."

"Finally, a person who can dance along the same level as myself."

"The more you look at the floor, the more mistakes you will make."

"If you liked this dance, my name is Tom. If you did not like this dance, my name is Craig."
"Thank you, Tom."

"Relax, your girlfriend will be in good hands during this dance. Well, maybe not good hands, but my hands nevertheless."

"I have returned your lady friend safe and unharmed."
"But she has a scratch."
"While I do not believe this scratch came from our dancing, I will see about fixing it."
(Kisses affected area)
"Awww...."

"Dancing is very simple. You show off your beautiful dress while a charming guy leads you around the floor. If you do not have a charming guy leading you around the dance floor, I can take his place."

"I got a phone number!"
"Good job!"

"There's a lot more interesting things to look at than the floor. Over there you see a happy couple dancing a romantic waltz. To your right there are three people talking about their convention experience today. And as I turn you around, you will see some idiot wearing a cardboard sign around his head that is blocking the line of sight of his fellow dancers."

"Imagine that the man of your dreams is sitting there. But you are currently dancing with me. When we separate you are going to send a message through your body language that you wished he were dancing with you instead of me. And I will send a message that I am the luckiest bastard on the dance floor because I am dancing with you."

"If the lighting is bad, chances are I'll end up dancing with Jonas."

"Para Para is like air traffic control."

"Bellydancing is not like stripper moves."

"You're a very lucky man having your girlfriend learn bellydancing for you."
(Sound of a very hardheaded Asian skull slamming into a desk)

"I have 10 years of ballroom dance. I think I have a general idea what I'm doing."

"One guy dancing with three women. What a lucky guy."

"I could not handle dancing with three women. I can work with two since I like the symmetry."

"I asked three people to the ball. If one backs out, I have my threesome. If two back out, I have a date. If all back out, I take on my proctor duties."

"This is a dance, not a date. But if you want a date after the dance, meet me at the bar."

Of Guests and Guesswork

"It's morphin' time! MASTADON!"

"Make my monster GROW!"

"Lucky Star sucks!"

"I loved you in Lucky Star."
"Yeah, that was an interesting role for me."

"It's time to punch the fuck out of it!"

"Holy fucking ass crackers!"

"Pink is a noble color."

"Which group do I prefer: the sugary sweet J-pop Morning Musume or the sugary J-pop group C-Zone?"

"How the hell do you tell them apart?"

"Let me guess how old you are... 18?"
"Fourteen."

"Her body language wants to say 'jars' but her body itself says 'cups.' I mean, just look at her cups."

Of Potential Issues

"I'm going to come back here to shoot that!"
(Police officers suddenly turn their attention to the one who said that)
"I'm a photographer."

"Don't stay at the Holiday Inn next year, I will blow it up to get a better view of the fireworks show."

"If you touch my butt, I will kick you very hard."

"If someone takes your picture on the way to the hotel, I will set your costume on fire."

"Trying to remove the drama out of conventions is like trying to remove the stupid out of ex-wives."

"I'm not going to steal another guy's girlfriend. I already know how that usually ends."

"When in doubt, assume 21."

Of Cosplay and Fireams

"This is the first convention where I'm not packing a pistol. I feel rather naked."

"Signs aren't cosplay."

"They're saying giant costumes are fire hazards. The giant costumes aren't fire hazards; it's the people crowding around photographing them who create the fire hazards."

"I cosplay for infiltration, not to stand out."

"You're a method actor like Ed Harris. Once you get into that costume, you BECOME that character and stick to it for better or worse."

"What is that Michael Jackson cosplayer doing here?"

"Just get me a gun. Any gun. I'll even use a gun that fires dogs."

Of Religion

"My mother doesn't think Jewish Asians exist."

"Would you believe I was part Jewish?"
"Maybe, if you didn't say you weren't just a minute ago."

"OH! MY! GOD!"

"I'm only religious on an airplane or when asking a girl out."

"Good God, what the hell were you thinking?"

"To call myself atheist implies that I argue that God does not exist. To call myself agnostic implies I consider the possibility that God may or may not exist. In truth, I am apathetic since I am too busy living to think about the afterlife."

Of Change

"In 2002, I attended Anime Expo alone as Spike Spiegel with only $100 cash. Now it's 2009 and I'm attending Anime Expo alone as Spike Spiegel with only $100 cash.

<- Back to Anime Expo 2009